Fun Times

Well, got a lot of new toys. Speakers for my computer at work, a new stereo in the Valiant (back off, I have a security system too), and a new satellite reciever for my basement (mmm... American Satellite) Do they make me happier? No. Sigh.

So I decided this week that I'm not Holy enough. I've been doing a lot of self reflecting and realized my ministry is too many words, too much ego, and not enough from the heart. Not enough from having a deep relationship with God. Not enough out of love of young people and desire for them to know Christ.

I've told a few people and heard a lot of 'What? you're doing great! You're a great guy'. Well, on the outside... my inside is drying up and I need to tap back into the well that got me here to start with. My first start will be prayer. I'm going to try to pray for 10 minutes before work every day, and 10 minutes before bed every day. From there we'll see. I could use some updates on apologetics, or even the basics. Hearty stuff instead of brainy stuff would be good.

Was at Erin's last night... good times. Ended up in a big conversation with her and her mom... we discussed everything from parents and teachers, to whether or not dogs have souls. It was fun... we all got a little agitated, which I always enjoy, but it didn't escalate which was cool too. I used to have discussions like that with my mom a lot, but we started getting a little too personal with them, so we backed off a bit with them. I miss it.

I'm pretty confused in my faith right now. I'm not sure whether I'm close to the right path, and if I am, whether I'm living and teaching it well. I'm in a space where I could use some guidance, so I need to find someone I love and trust to talk to about it. I wish I could go somewhere to find a spiritual director, but I don't even know where to start looking. I'm thinking I'll ask Fr. Bill and Sister Ernestine. My life is getting more serious, with career, girlfriend, money, the whole nine yards. I'd like to keep on a good road and stay on it instead of wandering around confused like usual. I guess in the end I know I love God, I know salvation through Christ... I'm just not sure what that means about life, evangelization, and my relationships.

Speaking of relationships, I do have one... its been my anchor and my balloon all at the same time lately. I'm so madly in love with Erin. Being with her makes me feel loved, feeling loved makes me think of God, thinking of God makes me want to be better, and to be a man of integrity and service. IT makes me want to be the me God created. I love that feeling.

Oh yeah, I started a flame war with a few folks on a message board about faith. ITs funny. Check it out.

http://killdevilhill.com/phorum/list.php?f=45&a=2&t=9132

Mine are the postings under foxy. Raphael is a guy who thinks I'm hell bound. I'm ignoring most of the rest cuz I see very little productive on the board... but our discussion is funny!

Cheers kids